Well Being Through Personal Auditing, Spiritual Balance, and God

Standard Disclaimer: I don't care what faith you practice. If it brings you what you need to live a moral, secure, and happy life, then it is my belief that it is perfect. I do not think anyone can tell anyone else to follow something that isn't in their heart. Please know that your sense of peace makes the world better and I celebrate that. Also Faith and Religion can be used in place of each other in a lot of my usage of them. Now on with the show, I mean, blog.

I talk a lot in my blog about the troubles I see, that touch my life, and ways I see to help them. Rarely do I touch on the thing that really gets me through almost anything. I avoid it because people get uncomfortable talking about faiths and religions that are different from their own. Some folks even walk away from people they called friends because of that difference. I hope we have become friends enough to move past all that.

Personally: I follow a natural faith. I have faith in the good things in life. I have faith in my fellow humans (though that one can be tough at times) I have faith in certain natural cycles and events. I work hard to have faith in Self.

The thing that gets me through the most is a balance. I balance every bad with a good. "His leg hurt him, but he got up anyway" and "The electric went out so the kids and I had a picnic outside" and "His life maybe over but I have some great memories to hold on to."

To every good there may be a bad but it is what you do with it that counts. Learn, grow, and try to do the best you can with what you have and life will work out. You can't wait for God, Magic, or the Government to fix or save you. You must feel, deal, think, plan, and act. LIVE the best life you can and help others do the same.

So how do I reach the calm in the storm? How do I get past the panic, the pain the what every life is up to now? I accept that what is, is. I deal with what ever feelings I feel. I allow myself to feel them, put them in check, and move on. I think about how I can best deal with it and make it through. I plan my next step while remembering that things change. I smile and laugh and hang out with people who understand. I act on my plan. I get through.

God (in whatever way you know him): A higher power works in your life because of your belief  in him (them) and the power they give to you can not be used if you aren't involved as well. Church or Service is a great way to connect and join with others.

Prayer works because you are letting go of things and allowing life or God to do whatever comes next. You are letting your faith work through the issue. What a wonderful way to cleanse your soul! Your faith is what makes your faith work.

BUT you still need to act. No matter what you use to get through, you have to do your part to make it work. You can pray all day long to get that job that you need but if you show up late for the interview, you most likely won't get the job.

God is not to blame for the actions or inactions of his children and as long as they remember that, their lives will honor him. Living the best life a father would wish for his children is the greatest gift the child could give the father: Love each other, live honorably, follow the moral teachings while using honest thought to guide your actions.

Counseling: Talking it out with someone can help some folks. It may give them the tools they need to do what they need to get through. I never took comfort in it because of a bad personal experience but I know for others it can be life changing.


Finding the person that matches you, that knows the way you need to be treated but that doesn't encourage you to give in to the bad is the most important step to making it work. Not everyone benefits from the same treatment style.


The second most important thing is your own willingness to work it out. You HAVE to be active and ready to change, deal and be better. No amount of counseling will work (or any other kind of treatment -health, weight, ect) if you don't want it to work or don't do the work it takes.

(Personal) Auditing: There is a practice called Auditing that is a lot like counseling or talking with a life coach. It started as a practice among Scientologists though it is my understanding that it has branched out to some other Practices. I was recently introduced to the concept by a friend. I like it enough to include it here.  If you are interested in learning more, there is a blog to check out here.

(As I understand it) Auditing is an activity where a person trained in auditing listens and gives auditing commands to a subject. I take this to be almost like a teacher and student or counselor and patient relationship. There are specific steps to be followed with the final goal of freedom from inner (personal) barriers that free their inner abilities.

As I was researching, there is one testimonial that I really liked. It speaks of balance (one of my favorite things) and how if you put out bad, bad comes back but also that you can save suffering (your own and that of others) just by using your personal power for good. It said that by doing good you take in good. This inner power helps you feel more energized, more creative, more free.

My Thoughts: All of these paths, faiths, tools have a couple of things in common. YOU are going to get the best results when you do something about it in the everyday world. You get out what you put in. You will have bad times in your life but if you deal with them, you can move on.

People are an important part of your world. They will help you and you can help them. We are all in this together. Treat each other with love and respect.

Balance.

You should have faith... in some one, some thing, in yourself.

You are not alone.

Know Peace, Love, and quiet joy.

If you are interested in Auditing then you can contact my trusted and loved friend at :

hparadia@yahoo.com.

Make sure you tell her that you found her through me. Tell her Tammy sent you.

Bully or Hero

Who will you be? The bully or the hero?

I want to share something I found in my travels. Please check out:

Autism Spectrum Disorder, through my eyes.

The following is from Marian F.............. ♥

"I'm just an ordinary everyday Mammy from Ireland and my son has ADHD but has a lot of autistic tendencies.....he appears to be normal in the physical sense but he finds life and school very hard. He was recently the target of a group of bullies but one person in his class spoke up for him......I wrote this poem from my sons heart. Only a mother knows their childs heart and what they feel:

I wrote this for my son Jack who has recently been bullied but thanks to one amazing young lad in his class who had the courage to stand up to the bullies he has given Jack his life back:

One little voice
Has changed my life
One little voice
Has given me a choice
Shakespeare says
Neither a borrower nor a lender be
I say
Neither be a bully nor bullied be
I’m just a little boy
Why can’t you see
It’s not my fault
I have ADHD
You tease and taunt
I grin and bear
While I cry inside
You pull my hair
I only want to fit in
I want to be accepted
But all you do is leave me
Feeling useless and dejected
One little voice
Has made me smile not mope
He stood up for me
And gave me back some hope
That one little voice
A classmate and a friend
I will always be grateful Thomas
Until the very end

I have since set up a group page called One Voice (on Facebook) but I have left the page to my sons hero Thomas ORowe and another classmate to run the page. They are 12 year old boys with so much wisdom they astound me.....I don't expect you to go onto the page but it's a place where adults and children with problems can talk to one another xxx"

Life Quality Based On Money?

"Sorry for the delay in responding, we’ve had email access issues.

CSHCS will not cover an ACD.  We only cover medical care and treatment. I would contact local agencies in your area, such as Rotary, Lions, Knights of Columbus, etc.  You could also contact Apple to see if they have a program that would assist you"

I received the above response to my request for help getting my son either an ACD (Assistance Communication Device) or an iPad to help him communicate from his insurance company. OK, I wasn't really surprised but I was still disappointed and it got me thinking. And when I get to thinking you know that I have to type it out. 

As a person there is a simple plan to life. You are a child. You learn as you grow. You become a student. You get a job. You live life as best as you can. You fall in love if you are lucky. You get married (or not.) You have children (or not.) You grow older. 

Along the way, life happens. You may be healthy, wealthy, and wise -or not. You may face this mountain and over come. There are elections, wars, peace time marches, stars that rise and fall, books to read, and job promotions to work for. 

BUT when you are injured, sick or facing a disability who gets to decide on your life and its quality? And if you are a child who has that power? And if you are a poor child with a disability what will your future hold and in who's hands does it fall? 

Here's My Thinking: America is full of programs that are said to help people that are in need. Some American's like that there are safety nets and others think we coddle people too much. I am a balance kind of person. I think we need to help others that want to help themselves and I realize that there are some who abuse the system. I also KNOW that there are some people who are stuck because there are few choices for them. Oh, and those safety nets? The have huge holes in them.

But when it comes to disabled kids, I have a very logical train of thought that seems to be lost on many. It is very, very, very simple math: 

Disabled child + Early interventions + medical, therapeutic, and educational needs met = Highest Possible Function + Ability to work = Less Need for services as an adult = Less cost for Tax Payers

 I don't understand why insurance companies, both private and public, would put up a fuss about paying for services and supplies that may bring the child (or anyone, for that matter) to a higher functioning place.

 If you give a child a voice, then they can communicate, and we can really see what's going on inside their brain. Give a child the brace they need to walk and see how far they run. Why do we have to fight so hard for those little things? Because of money.

Because someone said that a voice for a child should cost thousands of dollars. (see used examples here) Is it the companies, the insurance folks, or what? I don't know or care. My son's braces that will be outgrown in less then a year cost over $2,000. I had to fight to get them. The doctor had to fight to get them. This isn't a luxury item we want but one to help him walk. I'm confused about the priorities of .... everyone... who thinks children shouldn't have that right.

We are under the constant fight to have another 3 months of therapy. I really don't get that one. If a child is becoming a better functioning human than that's good right???? Therapy is a great tool when used consistently.

Money? Is it really all about money? Because if it is then do the math again. Higher function means the child grows into a higher function adult that can do more for themselves and may not need as much or any help from programs that cost other people money. Simple.

If you don't help children when they are young then you risk having to help them in a higher fashion for all of their lives.They may not find work or will always need extra medical care because they didn't get the care as a child. They may cost society more because they end up in jail, homeless shelters, or mental health wards.

Of course there are those who think that if someone is damaged then that falls on their family or better yet they shouldn't have a life at all but I won't waste my keystrokes on them.

Quality life and money? Quality of life is not just "things" but about being able to be the best person that a person can be. It is being as high function as possible, being able to interact with others, it is about being able to find enjoyment in existing. 

Money shouldn't be a qualifying factor on who should be able to reach for the stars but it often is. Money can mean better schooling or none at all. It means we eat or not. It means proper care or not. 

Bottom Line: I want the best for my children. I don't want them to just survive but to reach for the stars with a smile. I don't want our bank account to be the reason they are stuck here on Earth or ... under it. Rowan should have his voice and I don't understand why an insurance company wouldn't want him to have it if it means he can someday stand on his own.

Thoughts? Make sure you read through the comments and respond as you see fit. There is sure to be interesting things there.

Update: An interesting Right view of Lyme Disease and the medical hurdles faced due to money issues can be found here.

I Hate...

I hate. A lot. I know I shouldn't. I understand why. I don't think it's right but I'm not sure it's wrong. I think it just is. I'm sure there is a cure or treatment or some wisdom that is meant to make it all better but if I covered my hate would I really be doing the right thing?

I hate Autism. I hate Crohn's. I hate Poverty. I hate Child Abuse. I hate Depression. I hate Cancer. I hate more then I could ever list here but all are things I can't control, can't fix, or feel shouldn't be an issue for an advanced race.

I read recently that we shouldn't use the word Hate to describe how we feel about Autism. It may make someone that deals with Autism feel bad about that part of themselves. Maybe. But I don't hate my child with Autism. I hate the endless therapies that don't always work. I hate the pain that I know my child feels but can't express. I hate that tests. I absolutely despise the on going battles with insurances to get the basic needs of my child met.

My child even hates. My child hates when other kids don't understand. My child hates the pain and tests and putting life on hold to deal with what ever emergency has popped up. My child hates allergies that make chocolate bunnies off limits.

By hating these parts of the whole, we are able to deal with it, feel it toward the label and not the people we have to deal with. If we hate Autism and not the therapist then we can treat them with respect and kindness. By hating the label, we can deal with out feeling and accept the road we are forced to walk. By hating the condition, we can work to fix it, we can love the people who live with it, we are free to accept what is.

I think I hate Ignorance the most. People are ignorant on purpose. They are the folks who could know better, have been taught better, who should be better but choose to stick to their narrow self centered view of life or situations without caring who it hurts.

Not knowing or understanding because you don't know or understand is fine. No one knows everything or understands it all. Being aware and trying to learn is great. When I say Ignorant, I mean those people who have had the lessons, who should understand at least some, who just go on with a closed mind and an open mouth. Judgmental, self serving, know not half of what they think they do types of people are why Hate is hard to over come and deal with. They make every condition harder to accept.

So am I a bad person for accepting the fact that I can Hate? I don't think so. I think it is more about what I do with that hate. I work hard not to hate the person dealing with what I hate. I work hard to raise awareness, look for answers and make what I hate into something less while making People more. Improve the people and their quality of life and the thing you hate can become less of an issue. By fighting for the good parts to rise up and be MORE, then the bad becomes less.

Hate can be destructive, an evil force... or you can use hate in a positive way to do things for the greater good.

May you find a way to find your balance between hate and love. Accept your hate and use it to become more loving. There is a simple truth in that.

What Is The Cost? : a view

There are three main conditions in my home: 

Poor, Caregiver, and Disabled

These on top of the normal condition: Human

When it all gets tallied up, what is the true cost?

Poverty: "There’s no question that in past 50 years the divorce rate in the U.S. has increased. But what really affects divorce rates? 24/7 Wall St. analyzed a report just released by the Census Bureau that tracks marital events of Americans in 2009. What stood out was the high correlation between poverty and divorce." Article

Caregivers: "More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one." Caregiving in the United States;
National Alliance for Caregiving in collaboration with AARP; November 2009

			"Women who are family caregivers are 2.5 times more likely than non-caregivers to live in poverty and five times more likely to receive Supplemental Security Income (SSI)."

Disability: "Parents of children with special needs often feel isolated, overworked, angry at insurance companies and frustrated at the therapy and appointment schedule which calls for so much WORK with their child- leaving little time for cuddling the child or even just playing together."

"Mental health is how we think, feel, and act as we cope with life. People with disabilities report higher rates of stress and depression than people without disabilities. There are different ways to treat depression. Exercise can be effective for some people. Counseling or medication also might be needed." Article 

Human:  "For the average person it's a critical point for preventing stress related illnesses from developing and for those already living with health problems it's essential for managing their condition and preventing it from making things worse.

Stress occurs when the demands in our life exceed our ability to cope and it effects our emotional, physical and spiritual health." Article

My Thoughts: 

Poverty: When you are struggling to make ends meet there are many areas of your life that get attacked. Marriages are fragile creatures when they are stretched thin by emotions like loss, a sense of failure, hopelessness. Children suffer in many ways from the shorter tempers of their parents to the less health in their meals. You spend so much time trying to make it through that you can easily forget to enjoy life.

Your health takes a backseat to what ever else needs to get done. You have to pay the electric so there is no hope in getting your tooth fixed. You can't get your medicine because it costs $678 for a months supply. The kicker is that if you don't take your medicine, you can't work because your condition will only get worse, and the cycle won't stop. Add to the fact that you may not be eating, may be over tired, drained, and still trying to get what you can, done.


The cost: Don't get me wrong. The poor can be and often are happy (read why here) but they have to work at even that. But there is more noticeably crime among the poor, more preventable death, less personal achievements, less happy homes, and many conditions that don't have to be but that are hard to overcome. People don't always understand that it isn't easy being poor.

Caregivers: A caregiver is working every moment of every day. They don't just do the everyday chores like dishes and balancing the checkbook.  Caregivers have appointments to make, calls to return, diapers to change no matter how big that patient, appointments to go to, time to balance, slots too full, education battles, medications to give, treatments to administer, meals to make, discipline to figure out, fears to calm, tears to wipe as well as snot, and a bunch of little things that they have to figure out that most people don't even realize can be an issue. (did you know that the lighting in some stores can cause my son to have seizures while the lighting in other stores are fine?)

It doesn't matter if the disability is autism, Alzheimer's or some other special need, it is work. It is often thankless work. There is a high investment that often gets buried under the social smile caregivers wear. The rewards are the small moments of clear, simple joy that the "patient" creates.

Caregivers are supposed to be in balance with their roll. It is rare, even in their own circles, for someone to say that it is all right to melt down like an autistic child when there has been just one too many emergency moments in the last 24 hours. The offer of surface support is there at times, but not so much the help carrying the load kind.

To be honest, a lot of full time caregivers don't share well. they have a hard time handing over the ones they look after. They know the little details like how to avoid a total meltdown in an autistic child, how to convince the Alzheimer's patient to take their medicine, and which television program makes the cancer patient smile. Controlling? Maybe. But it it's their way of being sure that the person they care for is safe.

The cost: Caregivers get drained out, frustrated, and are stretched to the max. If they have a support system, they are better off because they can get help managing some of the extra stuff piled on. They may love their "job" but it takes a toll. Even the caregivers health can suffer. You often put yourself second and wait too long to get things taken care of. Relationships suffer when you direct your attention to one person so much of the time. You have to share that attention with the others which leaves you even less for your self. 


Disability: Some people have disabilities that are in your face obvious. Others have mental disabilities that carry no outward appearances. Some disabilities hide deep inside but cause problems in every area of a person's day to day life. How many times have you wondered why that well looking person has a handicap tag for their car? How many times have you questioned the kid in the stroller? Why does that 20 year old have a cane?

Mentally, people in general get drained and worn out, but when you are facing a disability the toll can be greater and harder to recover from. There are things you worry about that aren't in the "normal" person's thoughts. They worry about to bring to sit on while watching the parade. You worry about if you will have a way to see, if you will need your cooling vest, and if the medication is reactive to the sun.

Money is a constant concern. Balancing wants and needs on a fixed income that often doesn't cover the needs, can be very hard on people at their best. There is paperwork that has to be filled out, doctors to chase, tests to be run, and days when you feel like doing not a darn thing.

The cost: You can often hear the question "Is it depression causing the illness or the illness causing the depression?" among the disability circles. Not all family members and loved ones can stick it out and watch the disabled person battle through it. Isolation can set in and that lonely lost feeling can make it so one doesn't even know why they bother to fight.

My Point:

No one has it perfect but adding just one disaster, one illness, one disability, one loss to the life style and it can forever change how life is lived. Make any struggle into a day to day battle and tempers, budgets,  and mental health all suffer. It adds up like a building storm until it lets lose of all it carries. The dam will break but the amount of damage will depend on the support system that is in place, the recovery options and the personal strength.

You can help by not making it worse in words and deed. You can ease the load carried by the caregiver, disabled, or friend in whatever way they need. Bring them a random smile and a bit of comfort. If you don't know what they want or need, ask. You may be surprised by an easy answer of "dinner" or an hours rest.

A Request:

I know that I ask for help with the bills and with Rowan's needs but today I ask for another person. Read my friend's story here and do what you can, even if it is just a retweet or a like. Thanks!


Now to my own needs:

Rowan needs a $60 pair of shoes to go with his new knee high braces. I pick them up in about 3 weeks and could use some help paying for them. I am selling items at CafePress and Zazzle. Please see the links on the side bar -----> over there. I can design something for your cause if you would like, just let me know and I'll see what I can do. Or if you can think of a slogan you would like to see on a shirt.... I only make about 10% on them so if you want to more directly help, I have a Tip Jar over there too. I also have a direct link to the Puzzling Piece iPad Challenge site. (Read more about that here and here)

I appreciate all you do even if it is a simple read, a comment, a little share or help.... Just you being here means a lot. Thank You and find a smile!