I hate. A lot. I know I shouldn't. I understand why. I don't think it's right but I'm not sure it's wrong. I think it just is. I'm sure there is a cure or treatment or some wisdom that is meant to make it all better but if I covered my hate would I really be doing the right thing?
I hate Autism. I hate Crohn's. I hate Poverty. I hate Child Abuse. I hate Depression. I hate Cancer. I hate more then I could ever list here but all are things I can't control, can't fix, or feel shouldn't be an issue for an advanced race.
I read recently that we shouldn't use the word Hate to describe how we feel about Autism. It may make someone that deals with Autism feel bad about that part of themselves. Maybe. But I don't hate my child with Autism. I hate the endless therapies that don't always work. I hate the pain that I know my child feels but can't express. I hate that tests. I absolutely despise the on going battles with insurances to get the basic needs of my child met.
My child even hates. My child hates when other kids don't understand. My child hates the pain and tests and putting life on hold to deal with what ever emergency has popped up. My child hates allergies that make chocolate bunnies off limits.
By hating these parts of the whole, we are able to deal with it, feel it toward the label and not the people we have to deal with. If we hate Autism and not the therapist then we can treat them with respect and kindness. By hating the label, we can deal with out feeling and accept the road we are forced to walk. By hating the condition, we can work to fix it, we can love the people who live with it, we are free to accept what is.
I think I hate Ignorance the most. People are ignorant on purpose. They are the folks who could know better, have been taught better, who should be better but choose to stick to their narrow self centered view of life or situations without caring who it hurts.
Not knowing or understanding because you don't know or understand is fine. No one knows everything or understands it all. Being aware and trying to learn is great. When I say Ignorant, I mean those people who have had the lessons, who should understand at least some, who just go on with a closed mind and an open mouth. Judgmental, self serving, know not half of what they think they do types of people are why Hate is hard to over come and deal with. They make every condition harder to accept.
So am I a bad person for accepting the fact that I can Hate? I don't think so. I think it is more about what I do with that hate. I work hard not to hate the person dealing with what I hate. I work hard to raise awareness, look for answers and make what I hate into something less while making People more. Improve the people and their quality of life and the thing you hate can become less of an issue. By fighting for the good parts to rise up and be MORE, then the bad becomes less.
Hate can be destructive, an evil force... or you can use hate in a positive way to do things for the greater good.
May you find a way to find your balance between hate and love. Accept your hate and use it to become more loving. There is a simple truth in that.