Sunday, January 20, 2013

Selfish Parenting

                  Disclaimer: I know it isn't the same for everyone.

Parenting to me is not about me. It is my "job" to care for the lives and feelings of the souls that I parent. It is my role to help them find their way in the world and to guide them into being the best kind of stand up, good human that they can be. It is a life long job for as long as they need me, want me, ect... It is about them.

I enjoyed each stage my children went through... from the fluttery first movements to the trials of teen years and every smile that came a long the way. Even the children that found their way into the family are held with that same wonder and joy... awkward for the young teens. *grin*

So, lately I've noticed a trend of parents, mothers, who think that their parenthood is about them. They are the ones to be served by the child. The child should fill some void in them, the child should be all obeying and a mini-them. Free thought is limited by the desires and morals of the parent.

They think every stretch mark is not a mark of creation but of trials. Every missed party is some moment to fault the child's existence. Milestones are not celebrated from the child's point of view but from how it marks the parent's life. The good in the child is only looked at as being caused by good parenting while the bad is because of the rotten kid. The kids are in the way until it is time to show them off as pretty dolls to gain something.

How did some folks get to be so selfish? Children are not play things. Children are not disposable. Children are not meant to be left to their own devices or to raise themselves, but they are also not meant to be so structured and keep ridged that they can not breathe without instructions. Balance.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. I guess I just don't understand the parents that can not find the joy in a child or the role they play in making that child into a good adult.