Monday, October 17, 2011

The Look Of Parenthood

Do you remember me telling you about the sounds of parenthood? It can be found Here. Some of those sounds are wonderful, some horrible, a lot can be recalled with ease in memories. There are pictures in our mind that we parents carry with us long after the drama of the moment has faded.

Before I go into that, please go to a great article about Dragon Parents Here. It talks about parenting a terminally ill child. It is a very touching, heart felt article that is well worth the read.

In that article the author says: 
"We are dragon parents: fierce and loyal and loving as hell. Our experiences have taught us how to parent for the here and now, for the sake of parenting, for the humanity implicit in the act itself, though this runs counter to traditional wisdom and advice."
This is my addition to that thought:
This applies not just to the parents of the terminally ill but also those of us parents who are aware that we have no idea how our children will grow or if they will. Rowan has no syndrome to tell us what the future holds, what questions are the right ones, and if we are doing it right. We face each day as if it is his first and his last, just in case it is. And we do that for the family, as a whole.
We take pictures with our phones, our digital cameras, and of course a bit of video. None of them have the impact of the ones we carry in our mind and some get imprinted on our souls. 
Parents hold onto the ultrasound of the little alien creature just coming into life. They take five million shots of the sleeping newborn and twice that of the first steps. There are 12 plus years of school head shots and the graduation pictures. There are Holidays and family get together pictures. 
Sometimes we take pictures to document things like a fender bender, a fallen tree and the expensive bike. We will send a photo of something we want to sell or give away.
Some pictures are harder to deal with. They are the true "Look" at ourselves, our family, our lives. We carry them with in ourselves even if there is no photo to hang on a wall.
This is a picture of my 4 year old taken yesterday. It is a shot of him 3 hours after a daytime seizure. This is a look he tried to give me in response to a  question I asked him. This is the type of picture I don't need a photo to carry with me. 
How many parents carry pictures of the bruises a bully inflicted on their child? How many have the video of their baby screaming as they get the treatments to fight the cancer that is slowly draining them of the energy to even whimper? How many have lost a child and see them in their casket?
There is somethings that we can not change or protect the children from. But if we are wise we will hold tight to those pictures of good moments, of happy times, of smiles.... no matter what tries to fade them away.
Make the memories your children carry with them the best that you can. And treasure them yourself. You would be amazed how much you will find comfort in them when there are tears falling.

The many looks of parent hood are based on the looks of our family. We carry the good, the bad, the ugly. We wear them in the lines around our mouth and at the corners of our eyes. We show them off in our attitudes toward others. 
**Know love, peace, and respect by giving it to others.**

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