Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Special Manners 101 - Free Medical Advice and A Meet and Greet

This entry is going to serve two purposes. The first is to cover yet another misstep by well meaning folks or the just plain interfering know it alls. The second is to introduce you to a few important folks who have helped me in several different ways. I hope to send you to a few great articles or blog entries that you may get something from. Work first though so on to the manner of the day......

Special  Manners # 105: Free Medical Advice!!!! is highly over rated.

I know your mother taught you how to cure a bee sting with butter, that you raised 12.5 kids, and that you never swim until at least 35 minutes after you eat. I know you are smarter then me, got a medical license from the Cracker Jack box 4 times in a row, and watch Dr. House every time it's on even if you have seen that one before. I get it. I think there is something you don't get, I don't need you to tell me how to treat my son's medical condition, what foods I can feed my husband, or if I hurt bad enough or am just lazy. I deal everyday so I am very practiced at it.


I know I have covered this in a way before but I really want to cover the medical part of this. Each person who has something to deal with, deals with it in their own way. The title of the illness may be the same, the symptoms may run basically a similar line, but it may affect each person differently. And if you have no idea about a person's condition, or only base your words on what you think you know about something.... Keep it to yourself. Very Simple.

The Exceptions:
- Parents and other caregivers that gather in the waiting room of hospitals, doctors and therapists share information because we know that it comes from someone who understands the rules, who may have been at least close to our shoes. We share many of the ups and downs and understand the medical stuff that we may have in common. We want to know how they got their child to eat more than one food, we understand why their 5 year old still wears diapers, and we can all laugh at the water gun fight used as therapy. (Check that out here)

We listen to but don't always follow what teachers, doctors, nurses, and therapists tell us. Now before you judge that statement the wrong way, listen a minute. We listen. We take what we know of our child and apply the information to it but not before we look into this, research that, reason it all into a plan of action. We know and understand that they know the books, took the classes and put in the time but we also know we spend 24 hours a day knowing our "patient" and all the individual quirks they carry with them. We know our child.

- If we ask for your thoughts then we seriously want and welcome them. We trust you and trust that you understand that, like everyone else who has thoughts on the question, we will take what we can use and leave the rest. It isn't because we don't love you or want to cut you out. It is because we know our child, what we have been through, what the needs of our family amount to. 

The Manner: If you offer your opinion be prepared for the parent or the sufferer of what ever aliment you are trying to voice about, to do one of a few things: They may just nod then at the first opportunity change the subject. They may roll their eyes. There might be a straightening of their spine and their shoulders will go back. Then they will take a deep breath before educating you on why you are wrong, how many times they tried that, and how they know their kid or own conditions better then you ever could. Or they will simply tell you how you should keep your opinions to yourself or take care of your own family and not worry about theirs.

Final Point: Listen to the person who is there dealing on a daily bases. If they get angry or hurt by your interference, don't let it ruin the relationship. They deal with well meaning or just plain rude people very often. It wears you down so try to understand not judge. Too many folks judge and have no clue what a day in their life looks like. Learn from it and let it go and they are likely to do the same. Try really hard to not do it again.

Time to meet some good folks.
I am a middle of the road depending on the topic kind of gal. I have friends of every type - gay, straight, Christian, Pagan, Jewish, from several countries, special needs, typical and from all sides of the political table. I take what I can use and leave the rest. That said take what you can use from the people, companies and stories I share in the blog.

Mama Be Good is an awesome mom who is honest and open about the hardships and joys of raising a special and unique child. The reason I really like her writing is that honesty but also the smile I often leave after reading her entry and the sense that I'm not alone in the daily battles to find balance.

I have a really good friend that I really don't talk politics with. Zilla of the Resistance has her cause much as I have mine but hers is a lot more political then mine. *grin* It's a good thing we are friends. She is a great resource for finding information about Islam, a view from the right, and some heart touching stories from the not rich side of the screen.
And please feel free to drop a coin in the tip jars of the folks who's writing you think touches the lives of others.... like mine up there at the top of the page.

That brings me to another blogger that I think is awesome but will most likely avoid talking politics with. Now this blogger is great because of the great tips and thoughts for and about anyone trying to squeeze a few pennies out of the blogging rock. The Other McCain gives a real world look at things that is also fun to read. His new blog is here.

OK, that should get you started. I'll post a full body meet and greet in the near future because I think it will be fun. I'm just out of time for today! Thank you for the love and support from all of my followers and readers. 

Be Well!


  1. Thank you, Tammy, I am honored to be in such good company. Also, it is a wonderful lesson in manners offered today, as the mom of a nearly four year old with a whole lot of "quirks" who is still in diapers, I can testify to the wisdom of your words.
    Stacy is a great guy, he has the kind of goodness in his heart that should transcend political ideologies, few people have done more to help fellow bloggers out than Stacy McCain. In addition to being a writer and a blogger, he is also a dad and a husband, and a terrific friend. He is a righteous man. His "how-to" guide is at his old blog, here is the link to his current one:

  2. Also, Mama Be Good is a delightful blog! Lots of great ideas there for hot days in her latest post!

  3. Great post, Tammy. I went through so much when my daughter was younger. Her, I understood and could cope with. It was the ones who thought they knew her better than I did that were the problem.

  4. Zilla, Rk.... thank you both. I knew you would understand.

    Zilla, I added the link, and thanks for the introduction.

    RK, well said... in a lot of respects our children are the easier of the two sides to deal with. And for sure, a lot more rewarding.

  5. Aw... thank you, Tammy! And ... psst... you aren't alone. We're all in this together. Thanks to the power of the internetz. So glad to find your blog!


I welcome your thoughts if they are shared with respect and that you understand that we may not agree but we can still share and exchange ideas.